Puertorro que no sabe ingles

This is a letter from a Puerto Rican that did not know how to express himself in English.

Dier Senior Gerente Jotel:

Now I am tell yu di story jau I was treated at yor jotel. I cum from Puerto Rico as touris to Niu Yol and estay at yor jotel. When I cum in my room I see der is no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed?

Col down de ricepchon and tell dem: -"I wanna shit".

Dey tell me "Go to the toilet".. I sey "no, no, I wanna shit in my bed".

Dey sey "You betta not shit in yor bed, you sonnawabitch".

What is that of sonnawabitch?. I go down for di restoran for breikfast. I order beicon and eggs and two pisses of toast, I getta only one piss of toast. I tell di waitress and I points to toast. "I wanna piss". She tella me "Go to the toilet"... I say "No, No, I wanna piss on my plate". She den say to me "you piss on yor plate, I col da cops, you sonnawabitch" Secon person who don even know me, and chi col me sonnawabitch! What is that of sonnawabitch? Later I go a dinner into restoran. Spoon and knife is der but no fock. I tell di waitress "I wanna fock!", and she tell me:-"Sure, everybody wanna fock". I tell her "No, no, you don onderstand me. I wanna fock on di table". She den tell me "So you sonnawabitch, you wanna fock on de table? Get yur ass out of here".

So I go to di ricepchon and ask for di bil. I no wanna stay in dis jotel no more. When I have pay di bil, the porter say to me "Thank you and piss be with you". I say "piss on you too, you sonnawabitch!"

I go back to Guaynabo City , I'll never more comma stay in your jotel, you sonnawabitch

Sinsirly,

John Tower River,

(Juan Torres Rios)

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